I’ve recently come to a new conclusion.  Saying no doesn’t have to be painful - in fact - it can be the most freeing experience of your life.

By nature, I’m a person who wants to please.  I like to meet deadlines.  (Okay - so you wouldn’t know it from my blog posting schedule and the fact I didn’t keep it up very well - but two posts in four days - I’m getting better).  I like to help people.  I believe in leaving things better than the way I found them.  I also have a deep seated interest in learning about new things, improving the quality of life for those around me, and doing good works.  But sometimes, you have to say No.

Saying no is critical to not letting your system get bogged down and ending in a lack of productivity because you procrastinate or simply avoid doing that which you’ve said you’ll do.  I find at the points when I’m the most stressed, the most worried about something, the most troubled is when I have said yes to a project or task that I really didn’t know how to do or really didn’t want to do - but saying yes was easier than saying No.  Why was it easier - it’s always easier to say yes than to say no.

When you think about Saying No in the context of GTD, I realize that saying no actually refers to two of the “four d’s” - do it, defer it, delegate it, drop it.  In fact, if you want to be truly honest about it - saying no to doing it yourself actually covers 75% of those items.  Only do it - make it an actionable project, right now, that you let into your own system - is actually saying “Yes” to something.  The other three imply that it shouldn’t enter your sphere of doing - but should go into someone else’s or not be done at all.

I recently got better at saying No while trying out a little stint on eLance.  I’m taking a cruise in a few months.  I can pay for the cruise with savings, but am looking at buying a new house in the next few months so really don’t want to dig in my savings right now.  I decided I could try out eLance for a few months, make a quick few bucks and be on my way.  I’ll write more about the eLance experiment later, but let’s just say that not all jobs are for me.  Here were my quick steps to determining whether to accept a project or not accept a project:

1. Does it have a clear objective? If the person requesting the project can explain it to me quickly and easily and includes the deliverables they expect and the timeline, then move on.  If not, say No.
2. Is it a project that fits in my job description? When freelancing, this is more of a thing of whether it fits your talents, abilities, and interests.  But, I’ve applied this in my 8-5 as well - does it really belong in my work unit or does someone else more naturally have all or most of the parts and pieces that go into this.  Now - this one is tough because you can become “that person” who shoves their work off onto everyone else.  I find it’s easiest to do my parts - fill in everything that does belong to me - and not hesitate to send other people’s stuff to them to do.
3. Are you getting good feedback from the requester?  I’m still negotiating a couple of eLance projects - and just said no to the biggest dollar bid I’ve had up until this point.  Why?  Because it’s taken two months for the person to approve the bid and now there is a huge checklist of things they want from me immediately.  I’ve followed up every week for two months - trying to get information from them on when this will start - after getting an initial indication that I was going to be awarded the project - and heard nothing.  Yesterday I was awarded the project and need to have the outline to them by Monday.  Obviously, if this was my prime mode of making money then I’d have no choice but to give up my weekend plans and take on this project - but as an experiment I realize it’s not for me and I can say no.
4. When the project doesn’t fit with your passions - Again, in the 8 - 5 world this doesn’t always work.  But, in the advent of a world where we can begin to create our own destiny through freelance projects and freelance work I’ve found it’s easier to not take a job that doesn’t fit with who I am as a person.  I’m happy to take jobs and assignments that help me grow as a person but if a job conflicts in any way with who I am, I simply say no.

Saying no doesn’t have to mean you’re not committed… Another thing I’ve come to realize is that saying no doesn’t mean I’m not committed to something.  It just means that what the person is asking for at the moment I can’t give.  I would love to give to far more charities than I can - give of my time, my money, and my talents.  I can’t do it all - and neither can anyone else.  It doesn’t mean that I’m not committed to doing my own part.  Care about the environment - recyle.  Care about help others - give blood or donate your old items to a charity.  Practice a random act of kindness.  You might restore someone’s faith in the decency of humanity.

Saying no doesn’t have to be painful…Finally - I hate saying no.  But, it’s important you tell the person no - not in a way that is harsh - but in a way that simply communicates you’re not the right person for the job at the moment - for whatever reason.  There are lot’s of guides to saying no, but one that I like is at [1] OnlineOrganizing.com.  I particularly feel it’s important to decline something when you know if you do say yes the best you’ll be able to do is a mediocre job. 

What ways do you use to decide to say no to a project?